Asexual woman says she 'hates sex' but has a 'porn addict' boyfriend

9 mins read

[ad_1]

An asexual woman has revealed she has formed an unlikely relationship with a ‘recovering porn and sex addict’.

Appearing on Channel 4’s new digital series Love Against the Odds, Alice, who identifies as asexual, opened up about her relationship with Harvey, whom she has been dating for five years. 

And while Alice said she is ‘repulsed’ by sex, Harvey confessed he is a ‘recovering porn addict’ who would often spend up to 20 hours a day ‘going to the gym, eating,  gaming and masturbating.’

Alice, who insisted she is ‘not mismatched’ with her partner, said: ‘We have sex but maybe not as much as other people. When we are doing the deed, I am effectively faking it. He knows that, and that’s difficult for him to get his head around.’

Appearing on Channel 4's new digital series Love Against the Odds, Alice, who identifies as asexual, opened up about her relationship with Harvey, whom she has been dating for five years

Appearing on Channel 4’s new digital series Love Against the Odds, Alice, who identifies as asexual, opened up about her relationship with Harvey, whom she has been dating for five years

Appearing on the digital series, which is being broadcast on Channel 4’s YouTube channel, Harvey explained: ‘I had a pornography addiction and a sex addiction.  I think I’d become quite numb and desensitized to pornography.’

Meanwhile Alice said: ‘I identify as heteroromantic asexual. I don’t experience any sexual attraction or desire. Being with me could mean that I won’t ever be able to have sex.

‘It means I fall in love like anyone else, but I don’t experience any sexual attraction.’ 

But despite their obvious differences, Harvey insisted: ‘We’re not mismatched – we’re just different.’

And while Alice said she is'repulsed' by sex, Harvey confessed he is a'recovering porn addict' who would often spend up to 20 hours a day'going to the gym, eating, gaming and masturbating'

And while Alice said she is ‘repulsed’ by sex, Harvey confessed he is a ‘recovering porn addict’ who would often spend up to 20 hours a day ‘going to the gym, eating, gaming and masturbating’

She said: ‘My sexuality was not something I ever considered until I was about 16 and I got involve with a guy for the first time.

‘As soon as he wanted to take things further, I just shut down. It wasn’t that I was scared of sex, I just felt disconnected from it. 

How asexuality means a person does not experience ANY sexual attraction 

An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction.

Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.

Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.

There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.

‘When I finally came across the term asexual and realised that was me,  it was kind of devastated.

‘That was when I realised, things are going to be so much harder for me now.’

Remembering his porn addiction, Harvey added: ‘I would have spent upwards of 20 hours a day either eating, going to the gym, and the rest of that time was spent gaming, masturbating…

‘it was the intensity, the duration, the quantity of it [pornography] that I was doing that was not good for my mental health.

‘And that’s what a lot of my rehabilitation focused on.’

Alice said: ‘I’ve had a lot of people ask me, so you’re never going to have a boyfriend? And that’s not what it is. 

‘I just don’t have feelings that require me to jump into bed with them.

‘I love romance and I love falling in love, probably more than other people.’

But while Alice was struggling with her sexuality growing up, Harvey had multiple different sexual partners.

He said: ‘With my addictions round that time, I had a couple of different sex partners. At times, it was all consuming.’

Alice added: ‘I experienced a range of different reactions from people. 

‘It got to the point where I was saying, straight up, “Being with me at this point could mean I won’t ever be able to have sex. Is that somethin you could deal with?”

‘I was convinced nobody was ever going to want to be with me.’

Alice revealed how she had realised she was asexual after her first sexual experience as a teenager and said she felt'disconnected' from the act

Alice revealed how she had realised she was asexual after her first sexual experience as a teenager and said she felt ‘disconnected’ from the act 

Alice explained how she became convinced she would never find love and was left'devastated' after realising she was asexual

Alice explained how she became convinced she would never find love and was left ‘devastated’ after realising she was asexual 

The couple came together when a mutual friend introduced them at a party, with Alice saying: ‘We ended up connecting the whole night. The night I knew something was going to happen between us, I casually mentioned the fact I was asexual.’

‘His head snapped up so fast I thought his neck was going to break.’

At the time, Harvey remembered experiencing a ‘sinking feeling’, and said he still struggles to understand how Alice feels.

He added: ‘My understanding was sexless. I’m not going to pretend, even five years on, I even understand it. 

‘There’s sex positive, sex neutral, sex repulsed. For Alice, she is generally sex neutral or sex repulsed.’

After learning Alice was asexual, Harvey remembered experiencing a'sinking feeling', and said he still struggles to understand how Alice feels

After learning Alice was asexual, Harvey remembered experiencing a ‘sinking feeling’, and said he still struggles to understand how Alice feels 

Meanwhile the couple revealed they do ‘sometimes’ have sex, with Alice saying: ‘He couldn’t get that enjoyment out of it if he knew I wasn’t getting the same type of pleasure that she was getting.’

He confessed: ‘That’s always been a fear of mine; she’s not getting anything from it, therefore she’s not liking it.’

She said: ‘I had to explain, I was getting something different out of it than he was.

‘The fact that I would do this with you, shows how much I love you and how much I trust you, and how safe I feel with you.’ 

Harvey, who was introduced to Alice at a party, said he has a'fear' that she'doesn't get anything' from their sex life

Harvey, who was introduced to Alice at a party, said he has a ‘fear’ that she ‘doesn’t get anything’ from their sex life 

He explained: ‘I want to make her happy and fulfil her, and when you’re a man and you’re saying, I can’t satisfy my fiancée…’

The couple had even considered experimenting with non-monogamy but said they ‘knew that wasn’t going to work.’

He confessed it was ‘difficult’ while she said they continued to have ‘insecurities.’

He asked: ‘Everyone knows you can have sex without love, so why can’t there be love without sex?’

Despite feeling no sexual attraction to Harvey, Alice said she has'always wanted to have children' and be a mother

Despite feeling no sexual attraction to Harvey, Alice said she has ‘always wanted to have children’ and be a mother 

She said: ‘I didn’t think I’d ever get engaged, let alone to a recovering sex and porn addict.’ 

‘I’ve always wanted to have kids, I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I think that confuses a lot of people because there’s a certain thing that has to happen to have kids.

‘Harvey and I are so happy, so engaged, and getting married next year. My life has taken a turn for the better.’

[ad_2]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Latest from Blog